Milestones

In everyone's life there are certain milestones. Big ones and little ones. Parenting is no different. It begins with the news that you are expecting, then mom grows out of her normal clothes and labor begins. Labor itself has several milestones, and then there is a baby.

I remember one particular milestone when Grace was just tiny. One day I was working around the house and looked down to realize that I was looking at a major milestone and my life would never, ever, ever be the same.

Something had moved and I hadn't moved it. I remember freezing as time held still to allow the enormity of that fact sunk in.

Last night at our house we had yet another milestone. I asked the daddy of the house, "Am I making P-O-P-C-O-R-N?"

Grace looked at me and said, "Hey! That spells POPCORN!"

Yes, dear, it does. And now we need a new strategy.

Veterans' Day

Today in honor of Veterans' Day I baked bread. That's not unusual, but I did take a loaf of fresh warm bread to my neighbor. She's a sweet little lady who is sharp as ever and served with the WAAC and the WAC during WWII.

I knocked on her door, she let me in. I handed her the bread and told her that my visit and the bread was a small thank you.

She smiled, told me she was embarassed by it all and that the Army gave her much more than she ever gave it. And it's how she met her husband.

She wrote a book about her experience. Said her heart is in that book. She loaned me a copy.

We visited a bit about the military and writing and motherhood. I hugged her. Told her thank you. And now I'm going to read this book (I'm on page 31) and go back to visit with her some more.


Thank you, veterans. Even if you don't feel it was much, thank you.

I love all kinds

I have all kinds of friends. All kinds. And I love them all dearly. And they claim to love me.

Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends. I love her to pieces. She knows it. And I know that she has clawed her way to where she is now.

She had gone out the weekend before. And when she goes out, even if she has innocent and uneventful plans, something eventful always happens.

I wonder why this is at times. But then she reminds me without even trying.

He finally has a job.

And he's out of jail.

And he's going to all his meetings.

And then I laugh at her because as it comes out of her mouth she realizes what she's saying and what it actually sounds like.

Really. I love her to pieces. But I do just shake my head and laugh at her.

And she laughs and we go on our merry way.

Yes, I love all kinds. I really, really do. And I do pray that someday she meets one that she doesn't have to say that about. And they live happily ever after.

Awakening

I remember apporaching the doors, looking down the aisle at the man who would become my husband and suddenly realizing that not only was I marrying who he was today, but I would be married to whoever he became for the rest of our lives. It was a profound thought that was suddenly surprising. I hadn’t thought of that before. I couldn’t know what he would become. But that was the commitment I was making. It seemed so huge at that moment and I had a fear start to creep into my being.

But then I looked again at that man and remembered that I trusted him. And I looked again at my father standing there by me, oblivious to what I was thinking. I was reminded that he raised his little girl into the young lady standing there anxiously with her arm in his, and he trusted her. That was the first time in my life that I realized what it was like to truly commit to someone for life, for all the right reasons. It was one of those life changing moments.

Seven years later on New Year’s Day we learned that my belly and our family would be growing. There was a little life in there and even though we didn’t know anything other than it was in there, we loved that little life and we knew that no matter what that little life became, we were committed to loving that little life. The little life’s daddy joked that it had to be a boy because he didn’t know what to do with girls. Coming from families heavy on the boys, it was a legitimate statement.

Being the one carrying the baby I wondered lots of things as I rubbed my growing tummy. I now knew what it was like to be pregnant, but I still had no idea what the rest of motherhood held. The best I could get out of people was a look that I didn’t understand. I felt like I should understand it, but I didn’t. Was I missing something?

Soon I began to feel that I would be pregnant forever. That this baby would never come. That I would never understand that look women were giving me when they learned it was our first. That I just might hold this baby in my tummy forever.

Even though I had never been in labor before, I knew what it was when it started. It was getting stronger and changing and moving along. There was an end in sight. I was in the moment, feeling everything and doing what I thought needed to be done to bring this little person into the world the way I wanted to.

And then, there she was. Beautiful, healthy, perfect. They put her on my chest and she picked up her pretty little head and looked at me. At that moment I knew that I could love this little person forever. I could love whatever she was and whatever she became. And I looked at her daddy and knew that he knew exactly what to do with little girls. And I remember saying after twelve hours of labor, “I could do that again.”

Now, two more babies later, I know what that look is. Motherhood isn’t something that can be explained to someone who has not experienced it. Motherhood isn’t something that is easily defined. You hear all sorts of things, that your body will never be the same, that you will never be the same, that your life will never be the same. But that does not even begin to capture what you will experience.

My journey to becoming a mother involved an awakening. Something inside me awakened and I knew that if I chose to trust it, it would change who I was.

And it did.

It changed how I think. It changed what I do and where I want to go and who I want to be with. It changed my priorities and desires. Now, it doesn’t matter that my body will never be the same. It doesn’t matter that I will never be the same, or that my life will never be the same.

I know because I’ve experienced it. I know what that look means now. I’ve given that look. I know because now I can’t imagine life without these three little people. I know because I realized that my life before I had children was so one dimensional. So uneventful. So empty.

I know that I’m doing what I was meant for. I am loving who my children are. I am loving who they are becoming. And I am loving who they will be. And I will do that until I can’t do it anymore.

This is who I am. It’s what I’ve become. It’s what I will be always. I trust it and it fills me up.

Sleeping babies

Before we go to bed every night Brent goes up and checks on the girls. Every once in a while he comes down smiling and shaking his head and says I should go get the camera. The last time he said that, this is what I found.



She's TOTALLY asleep. And she's still hanging onto that book.

I was reminded of this picture.



That's a french fry, by the way.

That kid can fight sleep. But once she hits a certain point, there is just no fighting it any more. Even to finish the french fry.

I'm so sad, part two

I missed potato harvest. Today I was reminded again of this utterly disappointing fact when I walked out and saw this in the field.



**sigh**

But here's what I know about potato harvest, other than it involves quite a few potatoes.

The machines are really big. And this particular machine is operated by a cell-phone using man.



This is a potato truck--they use them for grain, too. But see that nifty little flap on the top? It's nifty and it uses hydraulics. That's all I know about it.



Here the potatoes are coming out of the ground and going into the truck. The truck just drives along beside the harvester until it gets full and then another one comes and takes its place.



(Fun Fact: The company that manufactures the potato equiptment is called Spudnik.)

And they will harvest around the clock because they are racing the clock--or rather Mother Nature.



Mother Nature beat them to the punch here. The potatoes froze in the ground and if they were to harvest them, the likelihood that the entire cellar full of potatoes rots is pretty high.



So, I shall wait until next year. And eat my potatoes in the meantime. Because before we left, while it was snowing, I was out digging potatoes. It was like I knew it was now or never--or next fall at least.

Halloween hangover

What is it about Halloween that makes life for the next week so weird? And then there's the daylight savings time thrown in there to totally throw us off.

But they were cute.

Amazing Grace:



Super Calla:



Ultra Violet:



This is a pretty smart town we live in here in Idaho. At 4:00 they have a trunk-or-treat downtown. They block off four blocks of main street and memebers of the community can park their cars and hand out candy. Some of them totally get into it.







And it is fun to walk up and down the street in a sort of parade and visit with other families.

Then it's on to the rest of the town. We did a total of two blocks more I think. Mostly because the family we put down as Grace's "snow" family (the family she'll stay with if the weather prevents her from getting home from school) lives on that block and Grace hadn't seen their house yet.



You know you live in a small town when there is a bowl of treats outside the door, including homemade popcorn balls.

We were done and home before 6pm. And it was still light out. Smart town we live in. Smart town.